Is My Child Just Shy, or Something More?

A parent's checklist to help you understand the difference between typical shyness and selective mutism or speaking anxiety.

This is a quick reflection tool, not a diagnosis. Only a qualified professional can diagnose selective mutism or an anxiety disorder.
1. Does your child talk normally at home, but go completely silent in at least one specific place (school, a relative's house, a store)?
2. When your child is quiet in that setting, is it total silence — or do they still whisper, gesture, or talk to one trusted friend?
3. Has this pattern lasted more than a month, or is it new (like the first weeks of a new school year)?
4. Does your child warm up and start talking normally after some time in a new place — or does the silence persist no matter how long they've been there?
5. Does the silence seem to hold your child back — avoiding raising a hand, not asking to use the bathroom, not answering a teacher directly?
6. Outside of talking, does your child seem to want to connect — smiling, playing, joining games — just not verbally?
7. Does your child show physical anxiety signs around the quiet setting — stomachaches before school, clinginess, meltdowns after pickup?
8. Has a teacher or another adult independently mentioned your child's quietness to you, unprompted?
Remember: This is a reflection tool, not a diagnosis. Only a qualified professional can diagnose selective mutism or an anxiety disorder.

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